A Rambling on Religion

The universe is vast and beautiful, filled with wonders we cant even imagine and surprises that we cant even contemplate at this time. Yet religion still argues that magic governs everything. That an invisible man in the sky can tell you not to eat certain foods, not to use certain orifices for sex and whom is allowed to kill whom with apparent impunity. The argument is that they are true/truth and that I cant prove that they are wrong, so they have a right to enforce their delusions on me.

So… For the sake of balance I will now channel my new god Zflagoisee, whom in all his wisdom and power has revealed to me the secrets of the of the universe, so I may endow the world with the truth.
So… Here goes. Zflagoisee´s Five Facts on existence:
Your moon is Imbalanced. You must maintain the bacon/moon balance, or the moon will crash into your planet utterly destroying it. The constant and continual consumption of bacon will keep your world safe. The ingestion of tasty and delicious bacon once a week will keep the moon in orbit.” 
The Sticking of Mars. Millenia ago Mars was a rogue rock, hurtling around the sun in a decaying orbit threatning not just your blue world, but also making a mess every time it got too close to the interstellar super highway. Tidal forces can be a bitch when driving. So the planet Mars is locked in orbit by a strip of duct tape 230 mio km long and about 5 cm wide. My duct tape is divinely strengthened and will never fail.”

The Celestial Teapot. For some reason you’re already seem aware of my preference for tea. Yes, there is much truth to this. Around Jupiter orbits a pot of Earl Grey tea, permanently kept at at a warm 59 degrees C, perpetually providing Zflagoisee with much needed English Breakfast comfort.”

The Burning Forest. I have manifested my essence before, but everyone seemed more impressed with that burning bush thingy, than my forest fire. Or I may have been a little early since the trees are petrified today.”

The Savoir is Coming soon. Really soon. I promise. Please please please don’t crucify your saviour. He brings knowledge of freedom and love and quantum theory and free strawberry ice cream. I saw what you did to that Jesus fellow and wasnt even a real saviour. Just some poor guy with a good heart. Look… I will even give you eternal life and an orgasms on-demand button strapped to your wrist.”

There you go. As religion goes its about as batshit crazy as any of the other “respectable” religions out there. And just to make extra crispy special I, the writer if there was any doubt, has today been ordained as a Minister. Take that religion!

But what do you think? Is religion obsolete? Is it healthy to believe in bronze age myths and what is essentially Magic? Let me know. Oh… And if you want to be ordained as a Minister and have the right (at least in the US) to perform wedding rituals (which is why I did it) go here.

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